It all started with my previous post. I think the facts about childhood sexual abuse are sure to upset anyone. I get upset. I get angry. I am in a rage right now. To be honest, if it weren't so cold outside, I would be tearing something apart. But instead, I'm working through the anger by writing. Anyway, I have found that when I'm reading about statistics and such, I sometimes feel like "really...I'm ONE out of 39+ million victims." Can you even fathom that number? I sure can't. That number makes me feel microscopic. I feel that there are so many victims, that what I've lived through, is just a common pot hole in the road. I know I have to get past this way of thinking.
Yesterday, my partner and I went to lunch with my youngest sister, her husband and their cute little boy. We had such a great time. We spent nearly two hours visiting and catching up on life. Although my abuse was not discussed, I left feeling that my bucket of hope and determination had elevated. The fact alone that she knows what I'm going through and still wants to have a relationship with me, gives me some comfort.
I know how the human mind works. The brain is amazing. I also know that it can be your strongest shield. I believe it knows what you can handle and what you can't. One of my exercises was to write down small details of my abuse. This was very difficult because I don't like remembering things. I wondered how the heck this could possibly help me. Yes, I got angry. Adding each word to my list was gut wrenching. For the next couple of days, I had the courage to slowly write the words down in my notebook.
After some time, I made a discovery. The words came easier, and the anger was subsiding. I was able to read over my entire list. I felt like a million pounds had been lifted from me. I WAS HEALING! Up until this point, I thought I would be living in misery and anger for the rest of my life. My little Wendy Sue was breaking free.
So, there will always be those days when I feel completely defeated. But I am trying to learn to turn those feelings into feelings of victory. No one sang it better than June Carter Cash!
There's a dark and troubled side of life.
There's a bright and a sunny side too.
Though we meet the darkness and strife,
The sunny side we also may view.
I guess just like my eggs, I want my days to be sunny side up. Looking upward at the great things that life can bring.
Yesterday, my partner and I went to lunch with my youngest sister, her husband and their cute little boy. We had such a great time. We spent nearly two hours visiting and catching up on life. Although my abuse was not discussed, I left feeling that my bucket of hope and determination had elevated. The fact alone that she knows what I'm going through and still wants to have a relationship with me, gives me some comfort.
I know how the human mind works. The brain is amazing. I also know that it can be your strongest shield. I believe it knows what you can handle and what you can't. One of my exercises was to write down small details of my abuse. This was very difficult because I don't like remembering things. I wondered how the heck this could possibly help me. Yes, I got angry. Adding each word to my list was gut wrenching. For the next couple of days, I had the courage to slowly write the words down in my notebook.
After some time, I made a discovery. The words came easier, and the anger was subsiding. I was able to read over my entire list. I felt like a million pounds had been lifted from me. I WAS HEALING! Up until this point, I thought I would be living in misery and anger for the rest of my life. My little Wendy Sue was breaking free.
So, there will always be those days when I feel completely defeated. But I am trying to learn to turn those feelings into feelings of victory. No one sang it better than June Carter Cash!
There's a dark and troubled side of life.
There's a bright and a sunny side too.
Though we meet the darkness and strife,
The sunny side we also may view.
I guess just like my eggs, I want my days to be sunny side up. Looking upward at the great things that life can bring.
No comments:
Post a Comment