“The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough.” Bede Jarrett

Anger.  How do I deal with all this anger?  The more I read, the more I get choked with anger.  I still have days where it seems to take everything out of me just to breathe.  But they are getting further and further apart.  It's not a good feeling being so angry all the time.  I have overcome the anger that I once felt inside for myself.  But the anger for my parents and abusers have multiplied.  I have also become angry with other members of my family.  I couldn't understand why this was happening.  But then it all came together.  I was not the only one abused.  My family is saturated with secrets.

I have now become the protector of my little Wendy Sue.  I am helping her make peace with the atrocious events of her childhood life.  I have found myself through her.  Yeah, I will always do crazy spontaneous things, but watch out....she is free and wants to live her childhood.  To my partner ....she is going to be a handful for you!

My family has stepped way back from this situation.  I haven't spoken to my parents for quite awhile.  I wrote them a letter telling them about the abuse.  I got right to the point but didn't discuss details.  There was no blame or anger.  Just the facts.  I can only imagine what they are feeling because they haven't written me back.  I'm sad because I assume the worst.  They want nothing to do with me and my life. This makes me very angry because they should have the natural instinct to want to help and to love me no matter what.  I think the anger I have towards them hurts me the most right now.

I have quickly learned that repressing anger is not a good thing. Everyone around me suffers.  I am ornery and very hard to interact with when I'm angry.  But guess what?  Letting the anger take control of you is sometimes a good thing.  I have taken a hammer to several unarmed wooden pallets.  Dealing with my anger constructively or in this case destructively, has allowed my body to release built up emotions.  It feels good.  I have bottled up my anger for many many years.  In a matter of weeks, the bottle had lost its cap, and slowly the contents began to evaporate.  My anger is now turning into determination.  I will no longer be a victim of childhood sexual abuse. I am determined to end this.  The secrets that plague my family will be disclosed.