Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Who the hell am I anyway?

At some point in everyone's life, you have to become your own self. You have to create your own separate identity. Think about it for a moment.  Every child is influenced by their parents. Your parent's beliefs, values, feelings and priorities become a part of who you are. Victims of sexual abuse find it more difficult to have a strong sense of themselves.  I always felt like I needed to live my life as my parents expected me to.  I had many issues with their beliefs, but I didn't believe I was strong enough to stand on my own.  I had to do what my parents and siblings were doing.  I was no longer a person.  I was a member of a "cartel".  That might seem a bit humorous to you, but that's the truth.  I was someone's daughter or sister.  I wasn't Wendy. I never had the courage or strength to become my own person.  In a weird way, much like my abuse, I felt like I just had to deal with it. Yes, I know that being sexually abuse is much more horrific, but I can now see how both controlled parts of me.

Today, I feel like Wendy.

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