After posting my last entry, I realized I need to be more clear on a few things. I am not angry with my entire family. And when I said family I mean my parents and most of my siblings. I have an overwhelming support from alot of people.
My partner is my biggest support. Without her I would still be slowly dying inside. For as long as I can remember I've told myself I'm checking out at age 40. I figured by that point I had given enough to this lifes venture. But of course after we began our life together, my way of thinking changed drastically. She has done nothing but show her love and support from day one with this mess. I love her with all my heart and will be forever grateful for her.
My kids have also shown a great deal of support to me. As you can imagine, it was extremely difficult to tell them about being sexually abused. I'm not the one that usually has the most serious conversations with them. But, they had to hear it from me. They got upset, they cried and they got angry. I hope this recovery process helps to strengthen them and helps them realize they can be strong and take control of every situation that comes their way. I love each of my kids. I am so lucky to have them!
My youngest brother and his wife have also played a huge role in my progress. I feel like my brother is my bodyguard. He's always made me feel like "don't anyone mess with my sister". Having them involved has giving me an extra boost of determination. I know this has been challenging for my brother and his wife because they are a part of my dysfunctional family. But I think the way I see things now.....we are outcasts. We are the ones who no longer will live in silence. I love my brother and his wife. I feel their love and support 24/7.
My youngest and oldest sister have both voiced their concern about what's happening in my life. Although I'm not clear where each of them totally stand, my youngest sister seems to be more supportive and worried about my well being. I have spent some time with her since this all began and she has made me feel comfortable and I feel no judgement from her. I know we can relate to each other to some extent. I know in time we will help each other. But for now, I do feel like she is supportive of me.
My partner's family has also shown alot of love and support to me. They are good people and I love them very much. I feel very fortunate to be a part of their family. As crazy as they may seem sometimes, they have shown me how a normal family functions. I have experienced the loving healthy relationships that happen between parents and their children and between siblings.
As for the rest of my family.....I think they have all written me off. They see me as someone who is disrupting their perfect looking family. Once again, assuming the worst. But how can I think differently when they don't even bother with a simple "how are you?", "are you ok?", "can I help?"
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