And so it begins...

I'll start off with a quick history for you.  I am 37 years old.  I have lived in Utah my entire life.  I have 4 children and 1 step-child.  Four years ago I left the only life I had ever know, starting a new relationship with my partner.  I was ready to be happy and to fully experience this thing we call life. I have known my partner since I was 12 years old.  I felt like we had a connection.  Something was always there. But, as adults we went our separate ways.  We then reconnected.  After a brief "dating" period, I knew she was the one.  I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

This time things had to be different.  I could no longer hide behind the walls that I had constructed around myself.  I had to be fully open and honest with her.  So, before things got too serious, I opened my box of secrets.  She needed to know what she was going to have to potentially deal with.  At the time it seemed this would be the most terrible thing I would ever have to do.  It ended up being quite the opposite.  She made me feel safe.  I trusted her 100%.  As we drove around town, I told her that I had been sexually abused as a child. Not going into too much detail, I tearfully crawled over the walls that had surrounded me for the majority of my life.  I gave her a brief history of the abuse and the abusers.  Nearly 4 years would pass before I would take my next step forward.  The next few years we would briefly discuss it, but I felt like she was just checking in with me more than anything.  I have alot of respect for her for being so patient with me.  She never pressured me to talk about the abuse.  I think she knew what she was doing.  I believe she knew I had to be the one to decide what had to be done and when.  I am so grateful for the understanding and love that she has for me.

Recovering from the abuse has been awful and I know I will be recovering for the rest of my life.  But, I have felt the weight of fear and anger lift from me.  I am using this blog as part of my treatment.  Writing has played a huge factor in my success as well as for many sexually abused victims.  Recovering from sexual abuse has empowered me.  It has also inspired me to tell my story in hopes that it helps someone like me.  Someone who wants to be victorious!