One of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are when you don't come home at night. - Margaret Mead

Mother's Day always stirs up emotions for me.  I get emotional over my children.  Even through the fighting between themselves of trying to make mommy happy for the day, I  can see how they all need me.  But on the flip side of the coin, I struggle with my feelings towards my mother.

I remember Mother's day as a child.  Me and my siblings would all pitch in to help with dinner.  Then we would give her gifts that we didn't pick out, but were just handed to us.  As I got older, I do remember having a say in what we gave her.  As an adult. "going in" on a big gift together with my siblings seemed to mean more to me.  Making my mom diner was always something I enjoyed doing for her.

Things have changed.  I look back at my life and wonder where things went so bad.  I try so hard to remember my mother helping me with homework, reading with me, even hugging me.  I don't recall any of this and I keep telling myself that I must wrong.  But no matter how hard I try, it's not there.

Just like I have ached to have a relationship with My Wendy Sue, I have also had the same hunger for a mommy.  I want my mom.  I want her to care enough about me to want to make things better.  I want her to stop wondering what I'm doing and to really really care.  I don't want the conversations that always lead up to why I am so angry.  I want her to understand.  I want her to be patient with me and just love me damn it!  I will never be able to comprehend how she has let things get to this point.  I'm feeling like I don't have a mother who cares for her child.