Mother's Day always stirs up emotions for me. I get emotional over my children. Even through the fighting between themselves of trying to make mommy happy for the day, I can see how they all need me. But on the flip side of the coin, I struggle with my feelings towards my mother.
I remember Mother's day as a child. Me and my siblings would all pitch in to help with dinner. Then we would give her gifts that we didn't pick out, but were just handed to us. As I got older, I do remember having a say in what we gave her. As an adult. "going in" on a big gift together with my siblings seemed to mean more to me. Making my mom diner was always something I enjoyed doing for her.
Things have changed. I look back at my life and wonder where things went so bad. I try so hard to remember my mother helping me with homework, reading with me, even hugging me. I don't recall any of this and I keep telling myself that I must wrong. But no matter how hard I try, it's not there.
Just like I have ached to have a relationship with My Wendy Sue, I have also had the same hunger for a mommy. I want my mom. I want her to care enough about me to want to make things better. I want her to stop wondering what I'm doing and to really really care. I don't want the conversations that always lead up to why I am so angry. I want her to understand. I want her to be patient with me and just love me damn it! I will never be able to comprehend how she has let things get to this point. I'm feeling like I don't have a mother who cares for her child.
